"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
