just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
