Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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