i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
