Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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