My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
