I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
