I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
