hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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