he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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