just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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