you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize