we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
