I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
the day after is always just damage control
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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