I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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