He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
