so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize