I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
