"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
