I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
