dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
