i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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