I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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