so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
