I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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