I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
