what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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