i think my tv is drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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