Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
