I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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