Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He passed out mid-signature
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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