At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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