You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
