Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
