And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
