First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
