god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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