My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
