She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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