I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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