duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
