So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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