What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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