He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
