Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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