she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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