I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
