Already got asked if we're dating
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
