you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
