There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
