I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
