I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
