WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
