Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
