I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
