I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
