1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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