I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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