I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
