I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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