we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pants are for mortals
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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