Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
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