everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
