I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
