You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
