my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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